Marriage Under Pressure: What We Would Have Fixed Before Becoming Parents
When you’re expecting a baby, most of the preparation focuses on the nursery, the registry, and the birth plan. But here’s the truth no one talks about enough: Parenthood puts your marriage under pressure like nothing else.
In our early years, Mike and I thought we were ready. We loved each other deeply, and that connection carried us through dating, engagement, and the wedding. But once we became parents, everything shifted. Suddenly, all the cracks in our relationship that had been easy to ignore came into the spotlight.
Looking back, there are a few things we wish we’d known sooner, things that could have saved us some heartache and helped us grow together instead of drifting apart.
Baggage Doesn’t Just Disappear
Mike put it best in the episode:
“That baggage… you really need to go through it, right? You can’t just leave it behind. It doesn’t stay. It just, it sticks to you. And so the only way is to work through it.”
So many of us start parenthood thinking we can leave old pain, unhealthy patterns, or family-of-origin struggles behind. But pressure has a way of bringing them all back. Working through your own stuff before or alongside raising kids makes a world of difference. Therapy, body-based practices, and intentional reflection can help you show up as a fuller version of yourself for your partner and your kids.
Communication Can Make or Break You
We learned quickly that communication wasn’t just about talking. It was about how we listened, how we paused, and how we gave each other space.
At one point, I realized:
“It went from that to like, hey, I had some really big feelings about what you said. Could you try it again so that I’m making sure I understand what you were saying?”
That small shift—from reacting to getting curious—changed everything. Instead of letting misunderstandings spiral into resentment, we started asking clarifying questions, creating pauses, and respecting that we process things differently.
Parenthood Is Like Remodeling Your House While Living in It
One of Mike’s favorite metaphors was that adding a baby isn’t just adding to your life—it’s more like renovating the entire house while still living in it.
“Your life gets flooded with all of these things, and it’s like a mess and you have to figure out where everything fits—physically, mentally, emotionally.”
Parenthood is messy. You’ll feel like you’re stepping over drywall and trying to cook dinner in a half-finished kitchen. But if you walk into that renovation with a shared vision, a plan, and clear communication, it’s still hard, but it’s manageable. Without those tools, it can feel like chaos.
You Don’t Need to Just Survive
Yes, the early weeks of parenthood come with pain, discomfort, and confusion. But that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to drift apart.
As I shared in the episode:
“Nobody’s going to get through the first weeks of parenthood without a certain amount of pain, discomfort, confusion… but after that, it should be a collaboration. A team-minded couple saying, ‘We’re going to do this.’”
When couples lean into communication, teamwork, and support, the breaking points can actually become the starting points of a stronger, healthier marriage.
Why We Share This
We don’t tell these stories to scare you. We share them because we want couples to know: you’re not alone, you’re not broken, and you can build the marriage you both want—even in the hardest seasons.
Whether you’re expecting a baby and want to prepare now, or you’re already in the trenches and need to regroup, the work is worth it. You deserve more than survival. You deserve connection, joy, and hope.
Listen to the Full Conversation
Next Steps for You
Explore our 6-Week Relationship Coaching Program: postpartumtogether.com/welcome
Download your free Postpartum Planning Checklist: postpartumtogether.com/postpartum-planning
Book a Connection Call: calendly.com/chelseaskaggs/connection-call
